A Matter of Life and Death

"And death, who’d stepped toward him, paused and stared.

Light many lamps and gather round his bed.
Lend him your eyes, warm blood, and will to live.
Speak to him; rouse him; you may save him yet...

But death replied: ‘I choose him.’ So he went,
And there was silence in the summer night;
Silence and safety; and the veils of sleep..."

--"The Death Bed," Siegfried Sassoon

While spending two summers and multiple holidays working at Hospice, I became acquainted with Death--the signs which preceded it, the look and sound and smell of it, the aftermath of its appearance, played out in the grief of those left behind.

In my experience, however, death almost always was predicted, acknowledged--sometimes months in advance. Every man knows he must face it eventually, and the patients I cared for had some warning--a chance to contemplate their life and, hopefully, set into order those matters, relationships, etc which needed attention before they left them forever.

The ER is different. Heartwrenchingly so. No one expects to land there--no one gave that individual a warning, that today they would be laying on a gurney, unresponsive and unaware, while many people labored ferociously to bring them back, give them another chance. The team of nurses and doctors I'm privileged to work with are wonderful--they are intelligent, talented, and dedicated to their work. But they aren't miracle workers. There are patients they cannot save, despite their most valiant efforts.

May we all be so blessed as to know Death is coming for us, to snatch the remaining time allotted to us to make sure we leave nothing undone, untended to in our lives. But don't expect that gift-make sure every day, you live as fully as you can. Say "I love you" to your dear ones. Admit your mistakes and do what you can do make them right. Say "I'm sorry" when you need to. The list goes on--figure out what is written on yours.